Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
