Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
