when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
