maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
