Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My cat gives me a boner
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
