I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
