I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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