So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
