moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My dick has a subreddit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
