update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
