if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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