If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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