he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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