First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize