If that was your dad, he is hot
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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