I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
