Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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