i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
