I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
