Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
