I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
