If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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