Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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