mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
