need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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