She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
