Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
