just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
