He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
