"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
