I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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