i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
