I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
