I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
too bad you live with your parents still
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
