the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
