For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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