I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
