Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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