I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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