Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
