If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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