gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
