I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my sisters under your porch take her home
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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