Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize