I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just cut my nipple shaving
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
