Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
