She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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