u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
