We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
