whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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