This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
