they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
