Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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