I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
