Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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