he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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