she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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