reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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