***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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