somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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