My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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