Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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