the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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