Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
