If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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