12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A+ Viking dick
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
