JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
