Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
