Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
