im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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