bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
