Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
