hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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