dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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