I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
