Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
