dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
