i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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