i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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