Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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