Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
