You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
