i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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