I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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