at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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