I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
